italian men

My response to a request by a friend to explain the idiosyncracies of Italian men:

Italian men ARE very different.

Of course, their behavior depends a lot on what part of italy they come from. I have been in two long-term relationships with Italians, one from Naples and one from Rome. The Neapolitan loved to laugh and make fun of me and of himself. He was extroverted, and had a very easy manner both with people he knew and with strangers. Romans are a little more reserved, and are VERY VERY proud of being Roman. They will often remind you of their special place in history. All Italians have inferiority complexes about being from a country that is currently (and, really, since the fall of the Roman Empire) pretty much a corrupt backwater on the European scene.

Italians in general, and Italian men in particular, depend a lot on help from family members, and often stay at home until their late 20s, early 30s. Italian men are mama's boys. Even my current boyfriend, who has lived on his own for several years, still takes his shirts to his mom's house to be ironed, and believes housework is the domain of the woman. Italian men are also very hard-headed, which comes from being coddled by their mothers to adulthood and beyond.

How they treat women depends on the individual, of course. They are usually more romantic than American men, but it's mostly for show - an imitation of the romantic heroes they see represented in Italian cinema (Raul Bova and Stefano Accorsi spring to mind), or on one of their horrid TV serials. With foreign women they can let themselves go a bit, as they represent less of a threat than the Italian woman, but I dont think they take us entirely seriously. And most of them think we are sluttier and less refined than Italian women, though more fun to be with. They are extremely jealous and possessive. If you let them go all the way early on, their respect for you the morning after will be much less than that of their American counterparts. They don't embrace the theory that men and women can be friends.

I don't think that they are ruthless, but they are often arrogant, and unwilling to change, or to open their minds to new ideas or points of view, both in relationships and in life. This often leads to an Us vs. Them attitude, and is deleterious in romantic partnerships.

That said, the challenge of dating or marrying an Italian man (for a non-Italian) can keep the relationship vital and interesting. You are forced to constantly question your ideas about the world, cultures and gender-roles. Communication is a living thing, and changes with your evolving sense of your partner, of the Italian people and of language itself. It is not for the weak of heart, or for the timid. You have to assert yourself and maintain your own identity without closing your mind to the foreign elements your partner wants to introduce to the relationship. But, this can only work if he/she is willing to do the same.

Hope this helps others in my situation, or those wanting to understanding how in the world I do it. Keep in mind, it's a work in progress. I've only just begun, and have no idea where I will end.

XOXO